A-W-A-K-E

hey
you awake?

you there?
horny AF…

hey
you awake?

got weed?
got booze?
anything we can use
that could amuse
me?

no, no…
don’t go there, man
I think you quite misunderstand
the whole situation
to benefit your own interpretation
of me.

why getting so messy?
are you listening exactly
to what is being said?
do you comprehend at all
the concept of being casual?

you awaken
paranoid explanations.
you mistaken
simple pleasure transactions
for… your lack of affection?

are you asleep?
feels like it…
feels you refusing to see
how good this could be
if you just answered me
when I ask
when I text
when I check
on you

you awake?

aren’t you horny
as fuck
as me
to fuck
me?
wait…
I mean…

aren’t you disposable?
I mean… responsible?
I mean… available
for a fling without label?

hey,
I know it’s late,
but you still awake?

hey,
I know it’s been a while,
but are you hard?

you safe?
…
you fine?
…

Never mind…

***

hi,
maybe I
wasn’t awake
maybe I
wasn’t safe

and you probably mind
and you are definitely hard
to read
to peel
to feel
to find.

you were never here
I was never asleep

you awake?
cause I was,
always,
and afraid
to answer the right way
for making you stay.

you horny, right?
horny as fuck, you say?
sometimes I was likewise
some other times,
as the hours passed,
as the nights stretched,
as my eyes started failing
to disconnect from the light
of the phone around midnight,
I wasn’t…

sinking into the duvet
feeling less fuckable each day
building the strength to persuade
my heart and
my mind and
my dick and
all my stranded parts
that this imagined softness
never matched your presence.

are you aware that
I wasn’t in love
and wasn’t asking for more?

are you conscious
there are many sides
to being excited?
that there are countless forms
to exploring each other’s stories
that floats from body to body
and flourishes in one tongue
when it discovers the right tone
to make the other get goosebumps?

are you able to understand
fucking as a development
of more than a requirement
expressed in a mere question
that asks less than it suggests
and answers more than it should?

I am awake.
are you?

I am enough awake
to say even to your face,
if you got the time right
this time,
if you relinquish
your tendency for selfish
approaches.

it would take a word or two.
the rest you would conclude
from my eyes looking through
yours, while making sure
I would not merge into you.

safe enough?
awake enough?

I am.
are you?